This one goes out to the ones I love

Hey I dont know who's out there and who's reading, but being new on the blogging scene I didnt know what to expect, so I was nervous. After a few posts though, I have to say I am thoroughly loving it and I will continue to do it, so I love whoever's reading, and just saying I know its been awhile, but its summer and now I have free time. So love you all (knows I'm talking to myself).

Review: Resident Evil 5

I plan on being a harsh reviewer, something like Ben Yahtzee if you are familiar with him... So when I decided to blog about Resident Evil five (RE5)...Fuck My Life. The game was good... okay great. I am currently in the process of achievement whoring my third time through the game. To date this is probably my favorite 360 game. (Unfortunately for anyone who cares, I just sold my WII for a lack of games it was providing for me so all I have left is my 360, but fear not since to a great roommate the magic of the PS3 is available Yay bluray, (yet I still don't see the actual fucking difference)) So listen I cant just go off on how amazing this game was (and it was), though it had flaws. Lets start with the aiming system, the laser is sometime mysteriously missing, and you wonder why game developers that would make a aiming system that doesn't fucking aim, sometimes it the lasers only purpose seems to be a Christmas decoration floating through the air, maybe to the sound of Pink Floyd, but it fails at that too since your only fucking pissed at it for being significantly fucking absent when a horde of zombies... actually a horde of parasitic infested humans (sure capcom... not zombies) are trying to enjoy you like a ham fucking sandwich and all the help you get from the laser is a postcard from somewhere preferably less zombie infested, soaking under the sun sucking on a straw which is quenching its fucking thirst with the great taste of a fucking Pina Colada instead of telling me where TO FUCKING SHOOT like a guiding laser should. Thankfully capcom kept the arch rival of the zombie and apparently the arch rival of the guiding lazor, the shotgun, which helps the fucking aiming system because of the spray of the bullets produced from the shotgun covers everywhere you assume the aiming laser to be. As far as actual gameplay that is my only main concern with it, maybe except the apparnt lack of concern in the movements of your main characters. You figure stranded in the middle of Africa with thousands of zombies attacking you, and a arch nemesis in Wesker who leaves you in a corner staring at a picture of him wishing you could be more like him like a pre-pubescent teen acne infested dork looking up to the leather jacket wearing pimp of your school, while you cry yourself to sleep in your envy, he will continue to get cooler and cooler until you rage up against him in an epic battle in which he ends up dodging bullets and then proceeds to put a gun to your head, or at least that's how my pre-pubescent acne infested dork (and they were) years went... Okay that might actually be just the game but still, that's how middle school worked in my head, anyway with all this stacked against you your main characters move very lethargically throughout the game, which I think would be atypical in such a situation, maybe its to much to ask for a little bit of urgency in a emergency type situation. Lastly there is Sheva... oh Sheva, why isn't there a friendly fire option. This game lacks puzzles that are expected of the series, the only true puzzle seems to be how to give a equal share of ammunition to yourself who will smartly conserve ammo for the most dangerous situations, and Sheva who sees walls as such a great threat that every drop of ammo will be poured into them. So here is some advice PLAY WITH A FUCKING FRIEND IF YOU DON'T WANT A PARTNER WITH ITS BRAINCELL TELLING IT TO RAM ITS HEAD INTO THE FUCKING ZOMBIES MOUTH BECAUSE ITS SAFE IN THERE. I think the presidents daughter from RE4 is more helpful than Sheva because at least she fucking ducked when you pointed a gun at her. Okay, I'm done ragging on the game, here is whats good. The story line is intense, there are a few plot twists (though you'll see them all coming), the ammo to zombie ratio is good, keeping the game both challenging yet possible. At the end of the game there are a few bonuses to keep playing, different costumes, figurines, mercenary mode etc... There are in level Easter eggs called emblems that you have to find to unlock certain figurines and such... some friendly advice get an online guide to find them... they are put in the most insane devilish locations, where in some cases you cant even see them or they are so far away that the dot on your sniper scope is three times bigger than the fucking emblem. IT is if satan came up from his fucking hellish home (see what i did there, clever ain't I?) and inspired capcom to fuck its players with insane unfair, unreasonable, and an overall fuck shit head move by placing these things in the middle of nowhere in shitsville bumble fuck Tennessee where to see them you have to look at it just right, at dawn, on a Sunday, with a magnifying class, in the month of April, but only after a leap year, from on top of an unscalable mountain, and then aim for a glimmer off a blue shaped emblem, twenty miles away, blending in with a background of the same FUCKING COLOR, so in the apparent words of capcoms developers "GO FUCK YOURSELF GAMERS, GOOD LUCK COLLECTING AND BURN IN HELL." The main point of this review however, is to tell you to buy this game 5 out of 5 two thumbs up, whatever you want to say, the good outshines the bad, Its a fun game, that will occupy your life, and once again the RE series lives on continuing its noble, yet slightly over lived life, and I cant wait for RE6, so I'm signing off have Fun.

What I'm all about

Whats Up Blogging word? This is my first blog so treat me nice, or I might cry... or go off on a tangent about how I will find you when your sleeping and "gut you like a fish!" (Jim Careys How the Grinch Stole Christmas) If you have not seen this movie then your living under a rock GO FUCKING SEE IT. Anyway I love the internet, so I thought I would give the blogging thing a try. I want you to know that I am a nerd, and that admition is the first step so I just thought I should let you know. I'll talk about anything, and then everything, and then go on a tangent about your mother. Thats just me, love me, or hate me, I dont care and thats who I am!